Breaking Habits the Yoga Way - Part I

It is serendipitous how the universe works. I have been having a rough few days as I did not get a job I was recommended for by my old employer, and because I still find myself a bit behind in de-cluttering to reach my goal of how I would like to be. It seems that old habits, while not impossible to break, are difficult in the beginning. It is like chiseling a cement wall. To get that first crack with a simple tool takes a long time, but once you get a deep enough hold in the foundation, the wall will easily come down. This wall for me has been the illusions that I have built around myself and absorbed for spending the last 10 years of my life living in how others want me to be, rather than 100% of where I would like to be. Now, I have maintained enough authenticity to find my way back cyclically, but I am at the point where I do not want to even been in the cycle anymore. That desire to change is strong, but when I look back at all my small and large mistakes and bad turns, I feel static. Sometimes you come to a point where with all of the self blame and inability to run from reality, you need something more than desire and will. What is needed then I was sent serendipitously in a message from the universe via Yoga Journal magazine. Hey, who said that spiritual experiences have to all be "airy fairy", so to speak?

I got the June 2013 issue in the mail, and on the cover, there was a title for an article inside: "How to Find the Courage to Change Your Life". Intrigued, I pulled out the article and took it with me to read at breakfast at my neighborhood bakery. The article spoke about harnessing the energy of courage through the Goddess Durga. Now, I am spiritual, but not a religious person. I light a candle or incense every morning, and before I do my asanas and meditation as a way of just being present in the moment, and I don't eat read meat (though I am working back to being full vegetarian once I figure out the right diet for my slight autoimmune disorder) for health, compassionate and sustainable reasons, but that is the extent of it. However, this article spoke to me because I have the Goddess Durga and the Goddess Saraswati on my desk on my small altar as what they represent (courage, strength, morality and wisdom, the arts and learning, respectively) is a reminder to be of the qualities I would like to cultivate in my life. However, I have always had a disconnect where I could not full immerse myself in what they represent because of my logic and scientific way of thinking makes it hard for me to believe in celestial beings and the myths of the puranas.

Although I have been told that I am logical, I am also somewhat introverted/sensitive to situations, moods and stimuli. Due to this, sometimes I avoid risks and changes and am not bold enough to do things I really want to do or show the world who I really am. So although I am very friendly, I sometimes avoid risks because of the fear of anxiety or being overwhelmed. Ironically, the root of my name in Sanskrit, Valin (the male version of Valini) means courage.

So, this article, my name, and a few other events in my life have made me always aware that I wish I had more courage. However, today, what is different, is that this article made me realize that I already have that courage within me and at my disposal of the universe. I just have to tap into it. It also made me realize that I need to let go of some of my logic that makes me trust only in myself and what I can scientifically see, breathe, let go of my doubts about celestial beings and just take in the energy from the universe in whatever form it may come.

To change requires that we first let go of the dross of the past and current samsaras and karmas, which are just habits of the way we act and live our lives and recurrent ways of thinking. However, letting go is not enough. To let go, and then not take the next step of action will cause inertia and feeling down or discouraged. This is where I have been the last few weeks. The second step, is gathering courage from the universe and from within, and then acting. Remember you have all you need waiting for you within and without. You just need to align yourself with the energy for courage and change.

I could not find the article on Yoga Journal online to link it, so I scanned and attached it below, so that others on the verge of change or in need of courage can benefit as well. I claim absolutely no right to this article, and am just using it to share this wisdom.